| Author |
Thread |
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
 Posted - 2004/05/20 : 15:22:40
A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead
dinosaur with a pigmy standing beside it.
Amazed, he asked: "Did you kill that?".
The pigmy said "Yes."
The hunter asked "How could a little bloke like you
kill a huge beast like that?"
said the pigmy: "I killed it with my club."
The astonished hunter asked: "How big is your club?"
The pigmy replied:
"There's about 60 of us."
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator 
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 15:27:46
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in
to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the
doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.
"You see, I seem to be getting forgetful.
No, it's actually worse than that.
I can never remember where I park my car, where I'm going,
or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there.
So, I really need your help. What can I do?"
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones,
"Pay me in advance."
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 15:31:03
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce
to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask
for an immediate loan of $5,000.
The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral.
"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said.
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's
underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors,
and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back.
"That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest",
the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir", the loan officer said,
"while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire.
Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce
in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 15:35:28
The Company Car
1. It accelerates at a phenomenal rate.
2. It has a much shorter braking distance than the private
car.
3. It can take speed humps at twice the speed of private
cars.
4. The battery , radiator water, oil and tires never have to
be checked.
5. The floor is cunningly designed to double as an ashtray.
6. It does not need to be kept under shelter at night.
7. It can be driven up to 60 miles with the oil warning light
flashing.
8. It needs cleaning less often than private cars.
9. The suspension is reinforced to allow for the weekend
loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building
material.
10. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated
by turning up the radio.
11. It needs no security system and may be left anywhere,
unlocked and with the keys in the ignition.
12. It is the only type of car able to leave the road in game
reserves and chase after animals in the bush for a closer
look.
13. It is especially sand and waterproof for barbeques and
fishing expeditions on remote beaches.
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 15:37:08
After being away on business,
Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.
"That's a bit much," said Tim,
so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim,
"is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 15:39:54
My wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," she replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife said.
Our daughter bowed her head and said:
"Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 15:43:36
i tried calling u from a call box 2day but i didnt have my phone card on me so i had 2 use my donor card. the bloody call cost me an arm and a leg.
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 15:46:02
A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
"Why are you rubbing cold cream on you face, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you giving up?"
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 15:49:37
mary had a little skirt,with a split right up the front.
And everytime that mary walked, it revealed her hairy c**t
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 15:59:18
We had made some changes in our lives.
My husband had lost 50 pounds and after
eight years of being a housewife,
I had taken a job in a restaurant.
When I returned home after my first day at work,
I gave my husband a big hug.
He seemed to cling to me longer than usual.
"Did you really miss me that much today, dear?" I asked.
"No," came the reply.
"But you smell so much like pancakes that I hate to let you go."
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 16:04:08
Rebecca Loos was seen drinking from a bottle in a downtown bar.
It just goes to show you dont have to be 'POSH' to drink 'BECKS'
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 16:08:29
Mr and Mrs Blobby are in bed & Mrs Blobby says
"Blob blurb blob bibble blob blib blibbleob blurb"
Mr Blobby replies "Just f**king swallow it!!!!"
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 16:13:05
Victoria Beckham has made David shave all of his
hair off because her friend told her that sex is nicer if u have a bald pu*sy
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 16:20:40
Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed
while little BoPeep woz givin him head
As soon as he came she started to weep
coz then he f**ked off and shagged all her sheep!
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
Edited by - bigmaddaz on 2004/05/20 16:22:09 |
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/20 : 16:31:25
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home
from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses,
when the older horse stumbled.
The farmer said, "That's once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat,
pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him,
telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said,
"That's once...."
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
__________________________________
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
Alert moderator
|
Printer friendly
