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DJ Superman
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,192 posts
Joined: Jul, 2003
46 hardcore releases
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 Posted - 2004/05/14 : 10:09:55
what's green and smells like pork?
Kermit's finger 
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 whizz-billy-the-kid's got you in his sights
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whizz-billy-the-kid's got you in his sights
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/14 : 10:27:18
lmao thats a good 1
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/14 : 11:05:19
Dracula asks god "may i be reincarnated as an angle with wings and still suck blood" god says "ok then" and turns im into a sanitary towel.
what does a dwarf get if he runs through a womens legs? a clit around the ear and a flap around the face.
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/14 : 12:37:50
THE MORTICIAN'S APPRENTICE
These two old guys, Harry and Ted, are in the workers rest room of the local mortuary
when one of the young apprentice morticians comes running in and says very excitedly,
"I think you ought to come and have a look at the old woman in room three, drawer twenty one."
"Oh yeah," replies Harry, "and why is that then?"
"I know this sounds really strange but she's got a whelk up her fanny" said the young lad excitedly.
"Look, we'll come and have a look after we've finished our coffee break," said Harry,
"but I don't think we'll find a whelk up her fanny. I don't think you know what the bloody
hell you're talking about young man!"
Having finished their coffees Harry and Ted go into room three with the young lad and
pull out drawer twenty one. Harry takes off the white sheet covering the old woman's
naked body and asks the young lad and old Ted to hold and part a leg each while he
investigates with his torch.
"There it is," cried the young lad excitedly, "There's the whelk. I told you she had a whelk
up her fanny but you wouldn't believe me."
"That's not a whelk, you pratt," growled old Harry, "That's her clitoris. They get like that
when they're this old"
"Well, it sure tastes like a whelk," said the young lad.
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/14 : 13:37:50
A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age, as his wife.
The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride.
His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle.
Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.
"Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?"
The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner,
"Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her."
"Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help."
Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived home.
"Be prepared, my darling. I'm going to ravish you," she cooed over the phone.
Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctor's advice. But where? In the office? The Xerox room? What if someone walked in on him?
He got in his truck and began the journey home. Soon he decided he would find a spot on the road to pull over, climb underneath the truck and pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the deed there.
A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the truck, closed his eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife, and began his "therapy".
A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg. Keeping his eyes tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying, he said,
"Yes?"
"Sir, I'm with the Police Department. Could you tell me what you are doing, please?" said the officer.
"Yes, officer, I'm inspecting my truck's rear axle," he replied confidently.
"Well, why don't you check the brakes while you're down there. Your truck rolled down the hill a few minutes ago."
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/14 : 13:40:12
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I will open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He will then open his mouth and I will remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer.
"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".
keep your jokes coming in ppl
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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Dean86
Senior Member
United Kingdom
273 posts
Joined: Apr, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/14 : 16:14:15
Ha quality thats just passed a good ten minutes of work away
A man walks in the doctors and says 'doctor ive got a problem ive got strawberrys growin out of my head'
The doctor says 'Dont worry ill give you some cream for that'
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/14 : 16:26:42
lol not bad
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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Chicken
Senior Member
United States
395 posts
Joined: Nov, 2003
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Posted - 2004/05/14 : 20:03:02
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to
Chicago. The son turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now let your mother explain that to you."
Absence is to love
What wind is to fire;
It extinguishes the small,
It enkindles the great
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People love to talk about how "Kids say the darndest things!" ....Well so would YOU, if you had no education.
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Chicken
Senior Member
United States
395 posts
Joined: Nov, 2003
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Posted - 2004/05/14 : 20:13:11
Ok, now here is a terrible one that my BF told me that he heard from Gilbert Godfrie-
This guy had been head over heels for his girlfriend for years, and finally married her. A month after they were married, the wife got into a pretty bad car accident. He went to the hospital worried as all hell about her when the doctor came out to inform him of her condition.
"I am sorry to say that she is paralyzed from the neck down. She will need help in every aspect of her life now. She can't eat on her own, move on her own, even go to the bathroom on her own. You will need to do EVERYTHING for her from now on. You will need to dedicate your life to taking care of her."
The man was crushed. He started crying to the doctor "NO please God, why? Tell me this isnt true, thats terrible!"
To which the doctor replied "Heh, naw man, I'm just f**kin' with ya. She's dead."
......Isn't that awful!?!!
Absence is to love
What wind is to fire;
It extinguishes the small,
It enkindles the great
__________________________________
People love to talk about how "Kids say the darndest things!" ....Well so would YOU, if you had no education.
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/18 : 15:51:56
yea dude ive heard that 1 b4 lol not nice
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/20 : 10:59:23
The Top 10 Signs You're Addicted to the Net
10. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
9. You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 1.1 or higher."
8. You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
7. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
6. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
5. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
4. You laugh at people with 2400-baud modems.
3. You start using smileys in your snail mail.
2. The last mate you picked up was a JPEG.
1. Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem.
You succeed.
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/20 : 11:00:39
Women stated that computer should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem;
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
Men conclude that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval;
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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hardcore anorak
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
971 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/20 : 14:04:06
lol i like it whats the difference between a women and a fridge?.... the fridge dont fart when you take the meat out....... hardcoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
s.shaw
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/20 : 14:52:03
lol keep em coming in ravers
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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