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jenks
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
3,687 posts
Joined: Feb, 2003
19 hardcore releases
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 Posted - 2006/08/02 : 03:29:50
quote:
Originally posted by bristolboy05:
this is a good one.
there is this family of germans.
a little kid is shoppin wid his sister and he picks up a england shirt and says 2 his sister, im gonna start supportin england.
his sister went mental and slaps him, then she says go and see ur mum.
so the kid goes and see his mum and says, i just started to support england.
his mum goes mad and slaps him again, then says go and see ur dad.
so he goes and see's his dad, tells him and he does the same.
on the way home his dad says, wot ave u learnt today son.
the kid replies, ive bin a england fan for less than a hour and already i hate u geman bastards.
lol, i didnt explain it that well but its still funny.
I've heard a similar joke but it was about a black kid who painted his face white...
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josh_htid
Starting Member
United Kingdom
13 posts
Joined: Aug, 2006
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 Posted - 2006/08/06 : 22:41:45
Ha Ha, good one, i have a pritty crap one,
David beckham was banned from curry's last week, but he says it was a big miss understanding, he tried to delete a sentance he wrote on a pc, wat he didn't know was that thers an erase button on the keyboard, so he didnt have to use tip-ex on it !!!!
lol that one is home made people :) 
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Jon O-T
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
929 posts
Joined: Jun, 2005
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 Posted - 2006/08/07 : 00:36:57
A man was sat at home and his wife walks over to him.
"Honey, the computer's broken, can you try to fix it?"
The husband stares at her and replies,
"Urm... duh! do i have microsoft written on my forehead?"
She replies "Fine ill call some one in"
...The next day...
"Honey, the Hoover's broken, can you try to fix it?"
The husband stares at her and replies,
"Urm... duh! do i have dyson written on my forehead?"
She replies "Fine ill call some one in"
...The next day...
"Honey, the Oven's broken, can you try to fix it?"
"ARG! The hell with this sh*t b*tch! Im off to the pub!"
The next day the husband stagers in through the front door with a headache. His wife lets him in smileing.
"Its OK, I got the oven fixed, and i didnt even have to call anyone in!"
"How did you do that?"
"Well, when you left I went round the cute neighboor's house next door. He said he would fix it for me if I iether made him a cake or shagged him."
The husband lookes worried.
"You........ baked him a cake, right?"
The wife replies... "Urm... duh! do i have Mr Kipling written on my forehead?"
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The internet: Where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents 
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josh_htid
Starting Member
United Kingdom
13 posts
Joined: Aug, 2006
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Posted - 2006/08/07 : 01:39:33
lol thats a pritty good one made me laph
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2008/10/05 : 20:23:06
i thought to save making another topic about jokes i thought i would use this one again :)
A man says to his wife, "what would you say if I told you I'd won the lottery?"
She says, "I'd take half and then leave you."
"Excellent," the guy says. "I had three numbers come up and won a tenner. Here's a fiver...now **** off!"
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
www.Kniteforce-Radio.com
Hardcore is Life!
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mitchy_boy
Senior Member
Australia
381 posts
Joined: Sep, 2006
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Posted - 2008/10/06 : 09:33:52
lol nice one.
i got one
-A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.
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Ionosphere
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
3,750 posts
Joined: Dec, 2004
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Posted - 2008/10/06 : 16:01:13
It was late in the year, the nights were drawing in and it was getting dark
when a man walked into a Dentist's and sat down in the waiting room.
The Dentist walked out of his surgery and upon seeing the man said
"Oh, I thought I'd seen the last patient for today, come in and sit down".
As the man sat in the chair the Dentist said
"What seems to be the problem?"
"I think I'm a moth".
"....a moth?" said the Dentist.
"Yeh, a moth".
"....a moth....?" said the Dentist again.
"That's right. A moth".
The Dentist was a little perplexed.
"Mmnm.... I don't wish to offend but it's not a Dentist you need, it's a psychiatrist."
"Yeh I know" said the man.
The Dentist looked at him and said "Well why did you come in here then?"
Slightly puzzled, he looked back at the Dentist and said
"....the light was on".
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This- http://www.discogs.com/artist/Ionosphere
THIS - http://soundcloud.com/ionosphere
VIDEO - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nYWkHCkaho
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Edited by - Ionosphere on 2008/10/06 17:15:56 |
sparky2k8
Starting Member
United Kingdom
1 post
Joined: Oct, 2008
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Posted - 2008/10/06 : 17:09:15
ere wi go if u wnna start wi jokes sum1 told me this ,-- quite shocking rly
penguin walks into a bar ,he ses to the barman have u seen my m8 ,barman ses =wot does he look like ,,
lmao ,stupid , happy hardcore all the way whoo ,
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Ionosphere
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
3,750 posts
Joined: Dec, 2004
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Posted - 2008/10/06 : 17:34:05
I went into a pet shop and said "Can I buy a Goldfish?"
The bloke said "Do you want an aquarium?"
I said "I don't care what star-sign it is."
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This- http://www.discogs.com/artist/Ionosphere
THIS - http://soundcloud.com/ionosphere
VIDEO - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nYWkHCkaho
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2008/10/06 : 18:29:33
quote:
Originally posted by Ionosphere:
I went into a pet shop and said "Can I buy a Goldfish?"
The bloke said "Do you want an aquarium?"
I said "I don't care what star-sign it is."
i heard that the other day goood though :)
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
www.Kniteforce-Radio.com
Hardcore is Life!
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Righteous9
Advanced Member
United States
1,516 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
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Posted - 2008/10/06 : 19:11:52
Okay, this is a quote from Marx Brother's, "I refuse to be a member of a club that allows people like me..." Crazy, huh? Or how about this one... Guy goes to the doctor and is told he has Cancer and he asks what to do, the doctor says take a mud bath, he's like why?, get used to living in dirt! =)
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http://www.rapfamily.info
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2008/10/06 : 19:32:24
here is one for you guys.
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye."
The bartender agrees to take the bet, so the man removes his glass eye, puts the eye in his mouth, and bites it.
"That's not fair," says the bartender., "How was I to know you had a glass eye?"
"Very well, then, I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my left eye."
The reluctant bartender agrees to take the bet, so the man pulls out his false teeth and bites his left eye.
By now, the bartender is really pissed off. He hands the man his money and walks away.
The man sits down at a table and starts drinking beer after beer. Some ten beers later, the man gets up and starts talking to another patron.
Sometime later, the man says to the bartender, "You know, I wasn't to fair to you earlier, so I'll give you a chance to win your money back. I'll bet you $500 that I can stand on a barstool 5 feet from the bar and piss into a shot glass without getting any on your bar."
The bartender thinks about the bet to ensure there are no catches, and then reluctantly agrees to take the bet.
The man pulls the barstool to within 5 feet of the bar, exposes his member, and begins urinating right into the shot glass.
To the bartender's delight, though, the man loses his footing, causing him to urinate all over the bar. The bartender laughs at the man. He starts wiping up the mess from the bar, and says, "I knew you couldn't do it!"
The man reaches into his pocket and pays the bartender $500, then says to the bartender, "Fair is fair. But, you know, I bet the man down at the end of the bar $1,000 that I would stand on a barstool, piss all over your bar, and that you would laugh and clean it up."
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
www.Kniteforce-Radio.com
Hardcore is Life!
------------------------------
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FingazMc
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,761 posts
Joined: Mar, 2001
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Posted - 2008/10/06 : 20:24:28
quote:
Originally posted by Ionosphere:
I went into a pet shop and said "Can I buy a Goldfish?"
The bloke said "Do you want an aquarium?"
I said "I don't care what star-sign it is."
That one made me Lol
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http://www.instagram.com/FingazMC
http://www.soundcloud.com/fingazmc
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pinkdevil16
Senior Member
United Kingdom
496 posts
Joined: Jul, 2008
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Posted - 2008/10/06 : 21:57:16
quote:
Originally posted by KID_PIRAHNA:
I'm bored and since we're posting jokes, here's my contribution.......
What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
Nothing! They were both stuck-up b!tches!!!!
  
haha i like that 1
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AxelPanic
Senior Member
United States
285 posts
Joined: Apr, 2008
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Posted - 2008/10/06 : 22:30:37
there was a fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said, 'I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday.She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped.'
His buddy said, 'I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it.She'll probably be thrilled!'
So the first fella did just that.
The next day his buddy asked, 'Well, did you take my suggestion? How'd it turn out?' 'She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling.... I'll see you in two hours!'
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Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. -Ozzy Osbourne
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